an apology (ish)

just wanted to say sorry/explain myself for when i act like a crazy person...but i am a crazy person - always have been, its just been more accentuated that last few years as i poorly sift through lifes changes...seeing my son suffer is a huge part of it, the uncertainty of his future, the let down of people being ignorant and cold hearted about his needs, even people who claim to have a life marked by Love...if you have a heart, these pictures make you feel something, take that feeling, add to it that it never turns off as a parent, what you see in the pics is only part of his troubles, other kids and their stupid parents act like hes contagious, friends and family can't hack it and bow out, etc

i'm not sure what else to write, maybe i'll add more as my brain clears

Hugh's HandBuilt: A Friend in Need - Please Read

Hugh's HandBuilt: A Friend in Need - Please Read: "Got a good customer in need.... He has a little girl who is in need of some medical help, and he is out of cash. He is parting out his bea..."

good buddies

this post is for the guys who think they know how to provide for my family better than me

did you have to comfort your wife today when she came home crying because your son wants so bad to be able to keep up with the other kids in the neighboorhood and he just cant?

no you didn't

did you have to wrestle with "should i keep him home and safe, or give him a shot at independance and let him play at the house next door?" and then did you fight back tears and feel your heart stop and drown in guilt when someone came running over to say that your son got hurt?

no you didn't

do you have to fight back the anger/frustration/anxiety/ tears when your kid wants to play with the other kids and mcdonalds playland, but they just stare at him for a minute, then run the other way?

no you don't

does guilt suffocate you on a daily basis because you can't afford all the equpiment that you know would help your son function more independantly?

no it doesn't

did you comfort me when i came to you hurting?

no you didn't, you preached at me and told me i'm not doing enough

now accepting

now accepting donations in the form of sportster












*if you ever are stuck between "do i buy xs650 for 1500 or a sporty for 4000?", sporty evertime (well 9something%)

hate these decisions

this video explains an operation they want us to consider for Noah, my 5 year old with cerebral palsy...inshort, they cut his back open, pull a vertabre out, then pull out the nerves, test nerves to see which seem to cause the most spasticity, permanently cut those nerves, put them and bone back in...making these decisions kill me...then watching him suffer through is all with the uncertainty of "is this going to be worth it?"...the last few years have really been eating me alive

i totally get this lady

her blog post http://cerebralpalsyfriends-mom2three.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-is-like-to-be-mother-to-child-with.html

its the end of the world....

hope you sing REM the rest of the day now...i'd put up the video of it, if i wasn't throwing this up real quick at work...

so the world may or may not end tomorrow, or start the beginning of the end as i just heard on tv...it may end in 15 mins from now...really nobody knows, if they say the do, they are a liar and/or clinically insane...

i haven't heard much on why "they" think the world is ending this time...israel typically plays some part in end of the world predictions, so my guess is that obamas comments on palestine and israel borders may have played a part of it...of that, i'd like to say: palestine has reportedly sided with hamas, who believes that israeli people do not have the right to exist...so why would you go and take land occupied by israel and give it to people who want them killed...this may be a little risky to say, but that seems like taking making some redneck KKK guy the property manager of a property occupied by african americans

we'll see how it all plays out :)